It's a girl! No wait! I mean...It's a boy!

(originally posted 11/11/06)

Hey I was surprised too. 3 weeks before my wife gave birth we found out that our little girl was in fact a little boy. So much for the dresses my mom bought.

Anyway so I saw my wife's intestines. I told her that after the c-section. "Dear...I saw yer intestines." She didn't seem bothered by it, but I don't know, I might feel a little violated if someone other than a doctor told me that they had seen my intestines. It's a very private matter.

Halfway through the delivery I decided that, since I hadn't passed out yet, I might as well up the odds and stand up and look behind the little curtain. My first impression was: That's a ......whooole lot of blood. The doctor had a pink balloon in her hands that she was sewing up. She looked at me and said, "I'm just sewing up your wife's uteris because I like to put it back the way I found it, you know, in case you want to use it again." I also heard various other utterances from her throughout the procedure:

"Contact!"

"It's game time!"

"Here's yer little boy!" --- This one she said after holding up a grey quivering mass that she claimed was my son. I also saw the attendant pulling what looked like surgical tubing out of her. I'll never eat sausage again.

Props to my wife tho. She was so incredibly drugged out of her mind that I was actually jealous...sorta. Her blood pressure was so high that they gave her some anti-seizure medication because they feared she'd seize right there on the table. Well the medication made her sick, as they told her it would, and so she was throwing up throughout the last half of the delivery. Having had a spinal block, she couldn't really contract her stomach to throw up, but just turn her head to the side and let it come out. Nice visual huh? One of the many many times I've thanked the Powers That Be that I'm not a girl. I may be a Ninja, but I couldn't put up with the crap that girls have to put up with. I'll take a shot to the crotch over PMS any day.

We named my son Cameron, which is Scottish for "mischevious". We probably shot ourselves in the foot on that one. He was 6 pounds 11 ounces and, to be perfectly frank, quite a cute little kid. I may be a little bias, but come on, we've all seen ugly babies. I know I have. And then you have to lie to the parents and say, "Oh what an adorable little.....baby!" No lying for us tho. Maybe if things continue the way they are and nobody else on the entire planet reads this or gives two craps in a hat about my existence, I'll find a way to post some pics...being that I'm poor and have to resort to typing this at work. Maybe I'll even write down a serious record of the birth and everything! But you all have to deserve it. So you can start sending the money now...