Charlie Brown: How to keep adolescent humiliation alive well into adulthood.

Charlie Brown. We've all seen his sunday comics, and even worse, his cartoons on tv. You remember don't you? Happy Halloween Charlie Brown! Or the famous "It's a Charlie Brown Christmas". Or the not so well known "You suck at everything and should go hang yourself Charlie Brown!" Ok so that last one was a little stretch, but not by much.
Now let's take a look at Charlie Brown himself:The perfectly round, bald head. The nose that sits directly between the eyes. The dorky smile. Just screams preteen self worth!! Does it not? Of course it doesn't, and that's why you shouldn't let your kids watch these awful shows. Look, I've got nothing against Charles Schultz, but let's be fair here. Charlie Brown is a loser and can never do anything right. How depressing. And then we have Peppermint Patty and her "sidekick" Marcie. What sort of demented lesbian dominatrix couple is this??? Ever notice how Marcie always refers to Patty as "Sir"? Need I say more?? And then we have Linus. I pretty intelligent kid who can't seem to let go of his baby blanket. Regressive therapy anyone? And then we have "Pigpen". What the hell? This kid obviously never bathes. He's probably scared of water and lives in a ramshackle hut with a family of possums who sit around and play the banjo all day. But you will notice that the other kids still treat him better than Charlie. And I'm not even gonna start with the schoolteacher. Last time I tried to talk to somebody ( as an experiment) using only the words "waa wa waaaa...wa-waa...waa" not only was i not understood, but I was asked for my driver's license, registration, and proof of insurance...followed by a set of rather humiliating set of tests that I will not go into here.
So be good to your kids. Give them love and support and encouragement. Do NOT give them Charlie Brown!
But I'll tell ya one thing: If I were Charlie Brown...I'd walk up to Lucy and make that bitch EAT that football!!