Hello everyone! (Both of you)
I, for some reason have been asked to do a guest post on a friend's blog. This got me thinking. And after that, I realized that I haven't posted anything in like a decade. So I asked someone else to do a guest post for me. So I got...Tom.
I've been working with Tom for some time now. He was very timid at first, and would only eat out of  a bowl placed very far from my trailer down by the river. But, I've been patient, and he will now take treats of beef jerky and fish balls from my hand. Next week, I'm hoping to teach him to sit, and after that, Quantum Theory.
In the meantime, he has written the following for your personal enjoyment and edification.
Please give him a pat on the head for his hard work. Thank you.

THE NEWLYWED WOMAN'S RULES
FOR DISPLAYING KNICK-KNACKS:


 1.  All Knick-knacks must be made of porcelain* and have at least five (5) porcelain accents attached. These can be: flowers, feathers etc. All accents or decorations must conform to the following criteria:
(A)   All accents/decorations must have a +5 F.E.S. rating (Fragile Egg Shell).
(B)   Be intricate and fragile enough in structure and painting and or gilding as to render any subsequent reattachment with glue impossible to hide and be immediately noticed.
(C)   Be evenly spaced around the knick-knack to ensure that in the event the knick-knack should fall over, at least one accent will land first.
(D)   Each accent must be integral to the knick-knack and have significant meaning.

 1.  All Knick-knacks must have a high center of gravity and be as off centered as possible.
 2.  All Knick-knacks must have a base as narrow as possible to accent the high center of gravity.
 3.  Knick-knacks on display must be one of the following:
(A)   A limited edition no longer available
(B)   From a foreign country and/or received from a deceased relative/dear friend
     (C) A one of a kind. Usually handmade from a deceased relative/dear friend/small child*.
* Knick-knacks from a small child may be made from something other than porcelain. This is the only exemption to the porcelain only rule. If a knick-knack is made by a child and is made of something other than porcelain it must contain macaroni and be biodegradable and must be highly susceptible to water damage while still being extremely fragile.

 1.  All Knick-knacks must be displayed in a matter that will maximize visibility.  For example:
(A)    Knick-knacks may be on a narrow shelf or desk that is approximately 1 inch below the light switch of the room. Ideally, the knick-knack should be placed directly in front of the light switch so it is noticed every time the light switch is turned on or off. The light switch can also be framed by two knick-knacks placed closely together effectively "framing" the switch (Advanced level). They may be also displayed on the edge of end tables next to high traffic areas.

(B)   Knick-knacks may also be placed on a wall mounted display. Simply secure a large, heavy, multi-leveled frame to the wall by stapling dental floss (mint), to the back top two corners and hang on the wall with an ordinary thumb tack. Be sure to precisely balance the shelf with the knick-knacks, (Ideally, the shelf must be perfectly balanced or the entire shelf will fall). Tell no one of this fact.  Remember: Do not use a deep shelve. Your knick -knacks only need half of their base on the shelf. You may also hang your frame so it pokes out into a door way up to 2 inches so people will be reminded to "watch out" for the beauty of your Knick-knack shelf.

(C)   You may also place your most prized Knick-knacks on a wobbly card table directly in front of the main entrance to your home ensuring that every time the door is opened it will hit the card table.
(D)
Your Knick-knacks should always make a statement and always draw attention. Be creative. Be sure to move them when people become accustomed to where they are.  By always being where they are least expected, these "Knick-knack booby traps" are guaranteed to be a conversation starter for you and your husband for years to come......... Trust me.