The Mighty Peasant

Once upon a time in a very poor village, there lived a very poor man who worked as a stone cutter. Every day before the sun was up he left his small home to work at the quarry, and returned well after dark to spend a few precious hours with his family.
One night, as he was tucking his young son into bed, the man noticed a very serious look on his little boy's face.
"What's the matter, my son? What is troubling you?" he asked.
" When I grow up, I will not be a poor peasant. I will be rich," The boy confidently stated.
"Well that is good, "said his father with a slight smile, "and why have you decided that you will not be poor?"
"Because poor people are not important. People with money tell peasants what to do, and they must obey."
The boy's statement saddened the man, and his smile waned. He had thought that he had sufficiently taught the boy better values than this.
"I see," he said to his son, and was quiet a moment. "I think we shall have a different kind of story tonight," he said.
The boy brightened and sat up, intrigued. His father said, "Let's pretend you work at the quarry. You work all day chipping away the stone at the foot of the mountain and come home after dark. You are poor, but you and your family have enough to eat and a home to live in. You are happy. Do you still wish to be rich? Do you still wish to be someone else?"
"Yes!" insisted the boy, "I would be the Emperor! His servants carry him on a platform and all the stone cutters must bow to him!"
His father nodded and said, "Indeed, and if you were the Emperor, you would be very important. But, on a hot day, the Emperor must wipe his brow and be covered with an umbrella. Even he cannot command the mighty sun!"
"Well then I would be the sun!" cried the boy, "and even the Emperor would have to hide from me!"
"Oh wise decision, my son!" his father replied, feigning admiration, "and indeed you would be mighty! Oh, but what about clouds? A single cloud can block the hot sun's rays and give shade. Even the mighty sun cannot chase away a cloud."
"Then I would be a cloud!" replied the boy, "and I would decide who would get sun and who would get shade!"
His father continued, "And truly you would be important as a cloud! People would welcome you so that they could have shade! Oh but there is the mountain! As a cloud you could go where you wished until you came to the mountain."
"I would fly over the mountain!" the boy exclaimed, thinking he had outsmarted his father.
"Ah, but clouds can only fly so high and this mountain is too tall. As important as you are as a cloud, the mighty mountain still stands in your way."
"Then I would be the mighty mountain! And the Emperor, and the sun, and the cloud could not command me! I would stand in everyone's way, and I would move for no one!" The boy was triumphant, thinking he had reached the ultimate answer.

The father's face became passive, and he was quiet a moment. He then leaned towards his son and said almost in a whisper:

"But my son, you have forgotten about the mighty peasant, chipping away at your feet."

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Now playing: Loreena McKennitt - Beneath a Phrygian Sky
via FoxyTunes

A present for GM.

I've decided that I will give GM a gift. I don't expect much in return. Maybe just a new car every year for the rest of my life. I think that would be a fair trade for saving them don't you think? I realize I may be too late, seeing as how GM now stands for Government Motors, and if it really is too late for them to use my suggestion, then maybe some other car company CEOs can rub their skulls together and decide to use my idea. It's a simple idea, and I'll tell you how I stumbled upon it:
I was driving (in my reliable non-american brand name car) and my wife was sitting in the seat next to me. I came to a 4 way stop, or maybe it was a stop light. Ok what matters is that I had to stop the car for some reason and wait on other drivers. Before I decided the coast was clear enough to move along, in my right ear I hear this: "Are you gonna go? I mean Christmas is just around the corner."
Several miles down the road, I had to change lanes, I believe. I'm not sure what I did wrong, but I was informed that, "It's ok....I'm only on the kill side!"
It was at this point I decided that I was done driving and it didn't matter that the car was still traveling and around 60 miles an hour. I said, "Ok, I'm done." and promptly let go of the wheel and stared out the driver's side window in search of something else to hold my interest. The car traveled on, merrily careening down the road, first from one lane and then to another, then off of the road altogether, all the while my wife screaming something about look out for such and such and ohhhh no "we're gonna die!" and I'm sitting there staring out the window and covering my ears while chanting, "I'M NOT LISTENING I'M NOT LISTENING I'M NOT LISTENING BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH".....you get the picture.

Then we crashed and died.
All of this could have been averted had our car manufacturer made a slight modification. You see, I'm sure I'm not the only one whose wife has informed him that, "I'm just not equipped to ride in a car and be quiet about your driving." I'm also sure that there are wives who have heard the same thing from their husbands, although I'm also sure I'd be hard pressed to find that wife. I'm just going to say that in the interest of fairness, and because I'm sure I'm already pushing my chances of having to sleep on the couch tonight.
What is that modification, you ask? Well I'll tell you then:
Dual steering wheels, and another brake and gas pedal on the passenger side.
Think of it: The next time you think to yourself, "That's it, I'm done driving!" You don't have to sit there while your car barrels down the road and plays chicken with an overpass wall....you can merely scoot your seat back and let your passenger take over, while you relax in comfort and stare out the window and look for something else to hold your interest.
If GM had made cars with this little feature, they would be outselling Ferrari, I guarantee you!




(love you honey!)

Please do something to commemorate Memorial Day today.

My cousin, Greg

My yearly Cinco de Mayo rant.

WARNING: POLITICAL CONTENT

Yes, sports fans, I'm going to do it again this year. I'm going to annoy all of you (okay, both of you) by pointing out that Cinco de Mayo is NOT celebrated in Mexico, at least not to any significant lengths. In fact, the "state" in which the battle took place, Puebla, merely has a small parade in the morning on May 5th of every year. It is also NOT Mexico's Independence Day:
"The holiday commemorates the Mexican army's unlikely defeat of French forces at the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862, under the leadership of Mexican General Ignacio Zaragoza Seguín." --- as per Wikipedia---


"However, a common misconception in the United States is that Cinco de Mayo is Mexico's Independence Day,^[10] which actually is September 16 (dieciséis de septiembre in Spanish),^[11] the most important national patriotic holiday in Mexico. "


Yet, thanks in large part to immigrants from Mexico, both legal and otherwise, who believe that this great country should conform to THEM, this day which has nothing to do with America, and is considered somewhat minor in Mexico, is celebrated as an unofficial national holiday.
Thank you very much, but I once again will not be participating in any cinco de mayo festivities. Especially this year as how our government does not consider swine flu enough of a threat to close the border, while Mexico refuses to treat it's populace, sometimes going to such lengths as telling doctors to stay home.
Instead, sanctuary cities such as San Francisco are still welcoming illegal immigrants from Mexico with open arms and welfare, despite the entire state's financial welfare being flushed down the toilet several times over.
Interesting that the areas most affected by swine flu are those areas heavily populated by illegal Mexican immigrants, no? And no, CNN isn't going to report on that little morsel any time soon.


From an email I received:
(Hoax or not, the writer has it spot on)


From: 'David LaBonte'
My wife, Rosemary, wrote a wonderful letter to the editor of the OC Register which, of course, was not printed. So, I decided to 'print' it myself by sending it out on the Internet. Pass it along if you feel so inclined. Written in response to a series of letters to the editor in the Orange County Register:

Dear Editor:
So many letter writers have based their arguments on how this land is made up of immigrants. Ernie Lujan for one, suggests we should tear down the Statue of Liberty because the people now in question aren't being treated the same as those who passed through Ellis Island and other ports of entry (like over border fences, through underground tunnels, in hidden compartments, and other illegal means of entry).

Maybe we should turn to our history books and point out to other people like Mr. Lujan why today's American is not willing to accept this new kind of immigrant any longer. Back in 1900 when there was a rush from all areas of Europe to come to the United States, people had to get off a ship and stand in a long line in New York and be documented. Some would even get down on their hands and knees and kiss the ground. They made a pledge to uphold the laws and support their new country in good and bad times. They made learning English a primary rule in their new American households and some even changed their names to blend in with their new home.
They had waved good bye to their birth place to give their children a new life and did everything in their power to help their children assimilate into one culture. Nothing was handed to them. No free lunches, no welfare, no labor laws to protect them. All they had were the skills and craftsmanship they had brought with them to trade for a future of prosperity.
Most of their children came of age when World War II broke out. My father fought alongside men whose parents had come straight over from Germany , Italy , France , and Japan . None of these first generation Americans ever gave any thought about what country their parents had come from. They were Americans fighting Hitler, Mussolini, and the Emperor of Japan. They were defending the United States of America as one people.
When we liberated France , no one in those villages was looking for the French-American or the German-American or the Irish-American. The people of France saw only Americans. And we carried one flag that represented one country. Not one of those immigrant sons would have thought about picking up another country's flag and waving it to represent who they were. It would have been a disgrace to their parents who had sacrificed so much to be here. These immigrants truly knew what it meant to be an American. They stirred the melting pot into one red, white and blue bowl.
And here we are in 2009 with a new kind of immigrant who wants the same rights and privileges while maintaining their Mexican identity--including, apparently, a lack of respect for the country they should now call home. They want to achieve citizenship by playing with a different set of rules, one that includes the entitlement card and a guarantee of being faithful to their mother country.
I'm sorry, that's not what being an American is all about. Americans are American-Americans. I believe that the immigrants who landed on Ellis Island in the early 1900's deserve better than that for all the toil, hard work and sacrifice in raising future generations to create a land that has become a beacon for those legally searching for a better life. I think they would be appalled that they are being used as an example by those waving foreign country flags.
And for that suggestion about taking down the Statue of Liberty, it happens to mean a lot to the citizens who are voting on the Immigration Bill; especially those Americans that became citizens through the proper procedures. And I certainly wouldn't start talking about dismantling the United States just yet!!
(signed) Rosemary LaBonte

SPEAKING AS A MAN, I'M REALLY TIRED OF ALL THE MUCOUS.

WARNING! BAD TASTE FOLLOWS.

I consider myself well versed in all things tough, manly and or macho. Or at least, I've seen pictures in magazines.
I am aware of the need for most men to strut around, peacock-like, to not only attract the opposite sex, but to also attempt to tell other men that he has a bigger penis which is somehow supposedly linked to the size, and sheer obnoxiousness of his personal vehicle, and or dress and taste in music.
This is fine. It confuses me, but this is fine.
So, speaking as a fellow member of the club, I respectfully submit my request to all other guys out there, to stop with the damn spitting. I've noticed that that this mostly applies to smokers, which is understandable to a certain degree. You get tobacco in your mouth, you gotta spit it out. Fine. But don't stand there and create a small pond, ok? The rest of us don't want to walk through that shit on our way into work.
By far the worst is the men's bathroom. Why does my fellow man feel the need to hock into the urinal before using it? Seriously, this is disgusting, and public bathrooms already are unpleasant enough.
I thought for awhile that maybe this was a fad or maybe even some new way of throwing gang signs, and hoped that it would just sort of fade away, much like Paris Hilton. (Hoping!) However, several years later after first noticing this, guys are still spitting into urinals before using them. I'm sorry, I don't get it and it makes me rather ill. I have yet to see a target when I have looked down into a urinal, so I don't think it's about marksmanship, either. Besides...err...wouldn't you rather aim a flamethrower at a target rather than a single shot pellet gun? (Look, it's a weak simile, I admit that, but then again it's also 12:30 AM and the spamballs aren't settling well. Ok just picture something similar and we'll both be happy and be ready to move on, alright? Jeez.)
And guys do this in front of their wives and girlfriends too, I've noticed. What is this guy thinking?
"Hmmm...I haven't done anything to impress her yet for this hour. Better get on that..."
SSNNNGGKKKKKK.......THOO!
And then he looks around as if his guy friends are gonna look at him and say, "Doood! WOW! I bet you could bench press Canada!"


This is when the guy thinks about turning to his girl and saying, "So you hot now or what?"


Sadly, I have met women who I think are actually turned on by this behavior. Paris Hilton, maybe? (Haven't met her.)


Is this too much to ask, really? Come on guys, most of us have now managed to mostly keep our crotch scratching under control while in the midst of the general public. We invented the "one cheek sneak", and the soundless burp (even if it's no fun) so can we please, PLEASE do away with this???
I can't tell you how tired I am of sitting in the bathroom, minding my own well-mannered business, when suddenly I'm assaulted with:
NGNNGGGGKKKKK!!!.....THOO!




"DOOOOD!"




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Listening to: The Thrillseekers - Nightmusic Volume 3
via FoxyTunes

Why I don't sleep

Another short one here.
I have dreamed of zombies. I have dreamed of flying body parts. I have dreamed of ghosts, monsters, and flying zombies who have flying body parts.
And I once dreamed that I was a woman named Frieda.
But nothing, and I mean nothing prepared me for when I saw the following clip, and saw proof that the thing of nightmares is very real and lives deep in the ocean. I figure, I will share my pain because I'm a vindictive jerk like that:



If these things decide that humans look like they'd taste pretty good, and figure out how to use firearms, we're screwed.
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Listening to: Bluetech - Alchemie Dub
via FoxyTunes