WARNING! BAD TASTE FOLLOWS.
I consider myself well versed in all things tough, manly and or macho. Or at least, I've seen pictures in magazines.
I am aware of the need for most men to strut around, peacock-like, to not only attract the opposite sex, but to also attempt to tell other men that he has a bigger penis which is somehow supposedly linked to the size, and sheer obnoxiousness of his personal vehicle, and or dress and taste in music.
This is fine. It confuses me, but this is fine.
So, speaking as a fellow member of the club, I respectfully submit my request to all other guys out there, to stop with the damn spitting. I've noticed that that this mostly applies to smokers, which is understandable to a certain degree. You get tobacco in your mouth, you gotta spit it out. Fine. But don't stand there and create a small pond, ok? The rest of us don't want to walk through that shit on our way into work.
By far the worst is the men's bathroom. Why does my fellow man feel the need to hock into the urinal before using it? Seriously, this is disgusting, and public bathrooms already are unpleasant enough.
I thought for awhile that maybe this was a fad or maybe even some new way of throwing gang signs, and hoped that it would just sort of fade away, much like Paris Hilton. (Hoping!) However, several years later after first noticing this, guys are still spitting into urinals before using them. I'm sorry, I don't get it and it makes me rather ill. I have yet to see a target when I have looked down into a urinal, so I don't think it's about marksmanship, either. Besides...err...wouldn't you rather aim a flamethrower at a target rather than a single shot pellet gun? (Look, it's a weak simile, I admit that, but then again it's also 12:30 AM and the spamballs aren't settling well. Ok just picture something similar and we'll both be happy and be ready to move on, alright? Jeez.)
And guys do this in front of their wives and girlfriends too, I've noticed. What is this guy thinking?
"Hmmm...I haven't done anything to impress her yet for this hour. Better get on that..."
SSNNNGGKKKKKK.......THOO!
And then he looks around as if his guy friends are gonna look at him and say, "Doood! WOW! I bet you could bench press Canada!"
This is when the guy thinks about turning to his girl and saying, "So you hot now or what?"
Sadly, I have met women who I think are actually turned on by this behavior. Paris Hilton, maybe? (Haven't met her.)
Is this too much to ask, really? Come on guys, most of us have now managed to mostly keep our crotch scratching under control while in the midst of the general public. We invented the "one cheek sneak", and the soundless burp (even if it's no fun) so can we please, PLEASE do away with this???
I can't tell you how tired I am of sitting in the bathroom, minding my own well-mannered business, when suddenly I'm assaulted with:
NGNNGGGGKKKKK!!!.....THOO!
"DOOOOD!"
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Listening to: The Thrillseekers - Nightmusic Volume 3
via FoxyTunes
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